Searching for the Real Me

by Melissa J | More from this Blogger

08 Jan 2007 02:40 AM

I don't feel like an overweight woman most of the time. Yeah, my back hurts and I'm tired a lot, but heck, kids can do that to you right? What I don't get is why couldn't I have a problem different than obesity instead? Why couldn't I be too pretty or too charming? For some reason it seems more acceptable for a person's eating disorder to manifest in being thin than overweight.

My problem is, when I look in the mirror I don't see a fat lady. I know I'm not thin, but I have just grown to accept that I'm heavier. What I'm dealing with at the moment I'm writing this is, I'm getting older, I'm feeling more tired; I'm feeling fat. I can't live this way. I'm battling between being comfortable with who I am and knowing I need to be healthier. Deep down, I know I'm not truly happy about this.

• I've tried a few weight loss plans involving portioning. This hasn't worked for me since it causes me to think more about the food and what I'm missing out on. Food then becomes a bigger temptation.

• I do well working out when I can find the time. I mall walk a lot after my husband comes home which helps me feel good, but it's not enough.

• I found doing other things that make me feel good help, but it's causes other problems since buying jewelry for myself, as great as it feels, is an expensive hobby; one that I really can't afford to enjoy too much.

• I pray a lot about my weight. I ask God to supernaturally remove my pounds or make my metabolism super efficient. I'm thinking He wants me to work on this like everyone else does.

• I've threatened my husband with being a three-hundred pound wife if he doesn't stop bringing home bait--I mean junk food.

Since I have this great plan in writing and verbally announced about being a new "me" by my big birthday closer to the end of the year, I'd better follow through. I need to. I have to realize I'm not just doing this for me. I owe it to my husband to be a happy healthy wife for him. I owe it to my children to be a happy healthy mommy who can play with them and live to see my grandbabies.

Somewhere between sitting at the computer writing this, and the dream of who I want to be lies the real me.

Melissa is a Families.com Christian Blogger. Read her blogs at: http://members.families.com/mj7/blog

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Linda Hansen (1796) 08 Jan 2007 08:24 AM

How well you put into words what most of us with extra pounds are thinking! I believe the best way to lose weight is to follow Nancy Reagan's advice when she was asked how to say no to drugs.......Just Do It! Art

Melissa J (13710) 08 Jan 2007 09:24 AM

Yes, and yesterday I made it to the gym. I have made some easy to make changes in my life. I finally braved the scale and am still 9 lbs under the heaviest I've been but I have about 100lbs to go.

Fatherofeight (2475) 09 Jan 2007 11:46 AM

MJ, I know that I am bragging but I am getting prouder by the minute. I have now lost 80 pounds, I have about 15 to go. I got scared when I was about to turn 60 and had small children. If I can do it, anyone can. Supposedly we should eat less and exercise more, well I am eating a whole lot less and exercising like a kid. It takes determination and for me, I was scared. It is hard for a month or so and then you settle in and its gets easier. I promise. It is possible to do. Good luck.

Melissa J (13710) 09 Jan 2007 11:59 AM

I've read about you and your wife Ed, and you both are an encouragement :).

Lashell Hoover (470) 10 Jan 2007 11:35 AM

Wow, you've put my feelings into words. A long time ago, I stopped looking in mirrors because I don't see myself as an overweight woman. I'm too busy being everything my family needs me to be, nurse, teacher, cook, well...you know. Other than being plus- size, I don't have any major health problems. That's why I want to lose the weight. I'm getting older and I don't want to carry the weight (and possible health issues) with me.

Grammi58 (396) 13 Jan 2007 02:26 PM

I have realized all of the health problems I have are contributed to my weight. I need to lose 150 lbs(I'm embarressed to even put that number down). I found out I have asthsma(air passageways closed up on me a few days ago. Lasted for 2 days. Very scary). I also have back problems/knee problems/I may have sleep apnea-need to be tested still. I also have no energy. I tend to fix alot for dinner(just husband & I). My husband has noticed I put more on plate. I seem to want McD's every morning before going to work. My sister-in-law & I have decided to join Weight Watchers again. Haven't done it yet. I am ready to start without her. I have all the sources at home(menu planner & points book). I need to lose this weight for mainly myself but for my children/husband/grandkids. I want to get on the floor & play with them. Right now if I get on the floor, I may not get up. One time I tried to get up off of floor, my kneecap popped out. Very painful!!!

Melissa J (13710) 15 Jan 2007 06:38 PM

Well Grammi, We'll be here to support you. Families.com has a weightloss forum http://forums.families.com/weight-loss,f28 where you can find all sorts of support.